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The Day My Daughter Passed Away

In: Social Issues

Submitted By night1
Words 1183
Pages 5
Life Arts Project
I am Margarita an American woman of Puerto Rican and Dominican descent. I am responsible, focused and on a mission to become the best me I can be. I am a mother, a daughter, sister, and a friend. I love being me, and I love learning something new every day. Some of the experiences that helped shape me into who I am today were watching my mother go through hell with my father and overcoming him, the birth and demise of one child and the birth of another child, and finally a prior job’s refusal to financially assist me in furthering my education because I worked in a mailroom.
My mother Ana and I were always very happy when my father wasn’t around, because all he did was scold us and constantly beat up my mother. You would think that the fact that my mother was very beautiful, loyal, and that with her severely broken English was the only bread winner in our small family, my father would have treated her like a queen. Instead he was constantly berating her because she was an illegal immigrant, calling her names. One minute he loved her to the point of obsession, the next ten minutes he just had pure undiluted hate towards her. To add insult to injury he would also physically abuse her regularly, I watched him do this to her until I was twelve years old. No matter how many bruises, broken ribs, busted lips, and black eyes he gave her, she would get up the following morning as if nothing had happened. Mom would proceed to wake me up, make me breakfast, in addition to telling me jokes while taking me to school and taking herself to work. The day she stopped being afraid of my father and threw him out, I was so proud of her. Today my mother is a beautiful mature woman, a retiree, and an American citizen. I remember sometimes thinking in terror when I was a little girl that one day she was not going to come home from work, thankfully she never once gave up on herself or me. Watching my mother go through what she went through, and overcoming it made me strong.
My first love was this amazing creature named Jasmin Victoria Rios whom I had given birth to on April, 01.1987, from the first moment I laid eyes on her I was captivated. Jasmine had a caramel complexion, almond eyes that were forest green when she was happy and slate gray when she was annoyed, she was my reason for being, my everything. I was completely enthralled with this little creature. My daughter Jasmine bid me good bye forever February, 29.1988, the cause of her demise was SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Even now sometimes I find myself wondering what kind of woman would Jasmin be today, would she had gone to college, would she be married, would she had made me a grandmother, would she be happy if she was still here? I will never know the answers to those questions, I miss her every day, and the pain has never gone away I just learned how to live with it. I am resilient because of Jasmine’s passing.

In my previous job, I interviewed for a receptionist position. I was declined the position only because I did not possess an associate’s degree which was mandatory for that position. The employer offered me instead a position in the mail-room which I gratefully accepted. Although the position paid well, it did not pay as well as the receptionist position I had originally interviewed for. In the nine years I worked there I received numerous promotions, raises, and stay on bonuses. On the down side when I applied to go back to college through my job because they would pay for it, I was denied this because they felt that a college education wasn’t needed for my job position. I wanted and needed this because it would have given me the flexibility I needed to go to school during my work hours. Which was preferable for me so that I wouldn’t have to pay a baby-sitter even more money that I honestly could not afford. I applied six more times after the first rejection during my time there and was denied seven times in total. I felt that obtaining a college degree would get me out of the mailroom and into a career I could be proud of. I’m not saying I won’t ever be denied a position again but it won’t be because of my lack of education. That experience made me both a fighter and a go- getter. The birth of my son Steven Alexander Rios on December 29, 1994 was and still is the most terrifying day of my life. After the passing of my first child Jasmine I had decided I would never have any more children, because I didn’t want to experience that kind of loss again ever in my life. Yet there I was seven years later on a cold, snowy evening in Mount Sinai Hospital having a baby. Now that I think about it I must have been living in a mental fog during the nine months of gestation, because I had been so ecstatic during it, never once had I been afraid during my pregnancy. After my water broke not only was I fixated about Jasmine, but 36 hours later I was still not fully dilated, and they had to take blood from Steven’s head twice because they couldn’t hear his heartbeat. I remember thinking that maybe Jasmine was upset with me because I was having another baby and that’s why all these complications were arising. Mentally, I was in turmoil begging Jasmine to not only forgive me, but I was also reassuring her that I would never forget her. On the flip side of those thoughts I was also telling myself that I was completely insane and simultaneously asking Jasmine once again to please allow my child and me to survive this ordeal. A C-section and forty-two grueling hours later a nurse put a ten pound and fourteen ounce baby boy in my arms and I knew all was well in the world. Looking into Steven’s eyes for the first time while I held him in my arms made me a humble woman and a believer in miracles.
Although some of my past experiences have caused me pain, and some have made me happy, they have also all been my teachers. Every day brings a new lesson and new knowledge. I am humble, strong, and resilient. I am a fighter, a go- getter and most importantly a believer in miracles. My life has been full of happiness, setbacks, laughter, tears, and with all that being said I would not change one detail of my life. I am now a student in The College of New Rochelle and this experience is teaching me that it is never too late to learn or to want to better myself.…...

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